As everyone should know, in Saint Lucia we do not have a President as Head of State; we have a Governor General, and although I am not enamored of the system, I do admire the present holder of that position immensely.
Not that we don’t have a few presidents on the island, mind you: Rotary Clubs have, for example, Presidents; they even have Incoming Presidents and Past Presidents, but only one President at any given time, which brings me to the point of today’s A-Musing.
I was browsing the Internet the other day for an upcoming tour of Africa, when I came across a company called ‘President For Life’, which, apart from sounding weird, also attracted my attention. This is what the company has to say about itself:
“President For Life is a premium menswear brand that fuses traditional design and cosmopolitan sensibilities while supporting meaningful trade with Africa. We make modern classics to express your individuality. Wearing our boxer shorts, you’ll cast yourself for your own extraordinary adventures.
“We source our high quality cotton fabric from Ghana where it is made in small print runs that are proudly produced by one of Africa’s oldest and most renowned textile companies. Tracing back to early 19th century trade, the process of producing this unique fabric originated in Indonesia; was modernized in Europe; and embellished in Africa.
“The fabric’s name, Dutch Wax, alludes to this international heritage, and refers to the dyeing process when wax is used to adorn cotton with cultural motifs in vibrant, long-lasting colors. These eye-catching garments are expertly tailored to impeccable standards. 100% made in Ghana by master tailors, each of our boxer shorts is one of a kind and cut for a cozy fit that reflects the craftsmanship of the hands that made it.
“Exude confidence and champion your own legend with President For Life.”
Check the company out on the Web if you don’t believe me! The mind boggles, doesn’t it? Imagine a pair of Boxer Shorts called President For Life that can help you “exude confidence and champion your own legend”! But I suppose, when you think about it, anyone who had the balls to suggest that he or she should be given the title of President for Life probably needs all the support that a pair of ‘vibrant’, ‘eye-catching’ (aren’t your underpants supposed to be hidden from view?) knickers can provide.
But that is not all, President For Life underwear can help you ‘cast yourself for your own extraordinary adventures.” Now forgive me, please, but is the company suggesting that the person who slips into his President-For-Life boxer shorts will, like Superman, be transformed into some all-conquering hero ready to launch himself into ‘extraordinary adventures’?
And as for the name of the fabric from which these underpants are made, well, it defies comment. I mean what sort of man would willingly traipse around in ‘undies’ made of ‘Dutch Wax’ even if they were decorated with ‘cultural motifs’? It
does sound rather ‘kinky’, if not downright perverse.
The best advantage of all, if I choose to let my mind wander a while, is that President For Life underpants will provide ‘a cozy fit that reflects the craftsmanship of the hands that made it’.
Now, at the risk of sounding crude, I do rather think that this suggests that the wearer of these panties is able to walk around with the feeling of a pair of soft, gentle hands cuddling his testicles all day long, which, naturally enough, brings to mind the saga of one of the world’s great leaders in modern times, President Clinton, who graced these shores some years ago, and who was kind enough to wave to me as he passed my verandah whilst playing golf – I’m sure he remembers the moment.
Now American media insist on referring to their Past Presidents as Presidents rather than Past Presidents, which is wrong.
There is no provision for this custom in the Constitution; Presidents are supposed to leave their titles behind when they leave office. There can be only one president at any given time. The founding fathers thwarted the impulse toward self-inflation when they wrote, in Article I, Section 9 of the Constitution, “No title of nobility shall be granted by the United States.” Then again, that was before the advent of the President-For-Life Underpants.
Now I wonder, given that the next President might be a woman, isn’t it time for the President For Life Brassiere?