It’s a pity I am not God

It’s a pity I am not God, for if I were, I would be God 3.0—a major upgrade from the God of the Old Testament. No one would have to wonder whether or not I exist, neither would anyone need faith to believe in me because I would be sensible enough to realize that it is not fair to expect intelligent people to believe that they can have a relationship with an invisible idea, or to believe that the thoughts in their heads are the voice of a God. I would make my presence and existence unequivocal.

Why would I expect the average human being to take me seriously, when several of my prophets in the Old Testament who heard my voice and witnessed my angels still blatantly disobeyed me, despite being certain of my existence? How much more can I expect from people who have only a book to rely upon? In fact, if I were God, I would apologize profusely for the poor quality of this book – the Holy Bible, and humbly admit that I had a communication problem back then. If a thousand different people can read one book and come up with a thousand different interpretations, the problem does not lie with the people but with the book. If my followers are unable to agree on important doctrines, such as, whether God is a Trinity or not, whether Jesus Christ was merely a prophet or the son of God, or whether or not to observe the Sabbath, then obviously, I have failed to communicate clearly and effectively.
Instead of the plethora of murder and violence in the bible, or the pornography in Song of Solomon, I would have produced a book with insightful scriptures which actually teach human beings how to respect and value human life. Rather than threatening to kill everybody for lying, drinking too much, having sex with a beautiful woman in my mind, or for disobeying other laws which are only designed to prevent human beings from enjoying life, I would make it clear that the only behaviors worth being concerned about are those which hurt others and destroy the environment. I would exercise patience because change is a difficult and lengthy process for humans. Since I invented psychology, I would be well aware that who people are and how they behave is shaped from childhood and influenced by several factors and experiences throughout their lives. No one just wakes from their bed one day and decides to be a criminal or child molester; neither is Satan responsible for making people do evil things. There would have been no need for me to destroy the entire earth with a flood. What better way to highlight my incompetence than by wiping the slate clean and starting all over again? There would be no talk of hell fire because even the wicked have their role to play. Life after death for human beings would be out of the question because there is simply nothing to do in heaven for an eternity. What if everyone got bored in heaven after a couple billion years and decided to create a universe like I did when boredom struck?
If I were God, I would send an archangel to tell everyone to please stop the praying because it is giving me massive headaches. After all, God 3.0 has no ego or self-esteem issues. Why would I want billions of people praising me every day and reminding me of how awesome I am? I would instruct my archangel to proclaim to the world that I have never, nor will I ever answer a single prayer or grant special favors to anyone. If I don’t answer the prayers of those starving children in Africa, why would I grant you your trivial, selfish requests? I have never had to help a plant bear fruit, or help a bird to build its nest. When the lion is wounded or unable to find food, it doesn’t turn to me for help. You have talent, intelligence, and the ability to reason, solve problems, and make decisions. You also have social networks for advice, comfort and support. There is an abundance of available knowledge, research, science and technology. What more do you want from me? There is nothing that I could do for you that you couldn’t do for yourself.
God 3.0 would expect human beings to learn to face the consequences of their actions and to learn from their mistakes. How else will people learn if I kept bailing them out all the time? How would anyone grow, attain wisdom, and build character? How will you ever reach the point where you are able to stand on your own two feet, to grow in the spirit, and to stop holding on to my coat tail like a helpless infant? This is every parent’s desire—to see his or her children reach their full potential. Do I, God 3.0, look like the kind of egotistical father who would take pleasure in seeing my grown children prostrate themselves helplessly before me every day?

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