2020, HERE WE COME

I just can’t wait for Tuesday night. Secure in the promise, if not possession, of a full year of 2020 vision, at one second past midnight I am going to take off my glasses and hide them while I take in the breeze, the way we all did so many years ago when the church bells loudly celebrated the arrival of the New Year and the entire family gathered in the veranda or “gallery” hugging one another and shouting out “Happy New Year” to the neighbours. 2020 will be a leap year and, not surprisingly, some people have leapt into it already, jumping through time and even space to tell us in advance what this coming year will be like.

Nostradamus was the first. Born in France in 1503, and before he died in 1566, he reputedly predicted the rise of Hitler, the 9/11 terror attacks on the United States, the French Revolution, the moon landing, the atomic bomb and the Great Fire of London. If you think impeaching Donald Trump is going to plunge us into an era of darkness, listen to the Carpenters again and they will tell you, along with Nostradamus believers, it’s only just begun. According to those who claim to have deciphered the quatrains of Nostradamus, a great earthquake will hit the American continent sometime in the year 2020, there will be a major global economic crisis including bankruptcy and recession, an abrupt change in sea level caused by the melting of Antarctica, and other natural disasters including a catastrophic storm and hurricanes. 

Even more scary is that I will need my glasses to get exempted from fighting in the Third World war which is scheduled for the same time. “In the city of God, there will be a great thunder. Two brothers torn apart by Chaos while the fortress endures. The great leader will succumb. The third big war will begin when the big city is burning.” The only problem I foresee is finding the city of God—that is so difficult that even Nostradamus couldn’t identify it.

For the sceptics, an online publication, BestLife, has identified predictions about the year 2020 they claim to be “way off”. In 1911, lecturing to the Royal College of Surgeons of England, Richard Clement Lucas was sure that because our outer toes are being used less and less, human feet will become just one big toe.  The RAND corporation, an American “think-tank”, said that the US will have animal employees by the year 2020 including great apes doing the cleaning and gardening and even being chauffeurs. Again, the only possibility I foresee is that when his presidency and business collapse, Trump will have a job.

One of my heroes, scientist, inventor and futurist Arthur C. Clarke, figured we will have houses that can go south in winter or just move when the owners feel the need for a change of scenery. Regardless of where the houses end up, Waldemar Kaempffert believed that all we would need to clean them out would be a hose. I suppose in the case of churches we will just have to say, “Let us spray,” especially for the bunch of old hose lying around. He also suggested that we will all eat candy made of underwear which, from what I hear, is no longer Victoria’s Secret and is already taking place. I understand that for chocolate lovers, the Swiss have already changed the brand name from Lindt to Lint. 

The other predictions include our having our own helicopters (I already own a Chinese chopper) and the removal of “C”, “Q” and “X” from the alphabet. The “C” and “Q” are bad enough. Imagine next year at Christmas time singing “O ome all ye faithful” or the Brits belting out their anthem “God save the Ueen”, but what will all those illiterate rednecks who comprise the bulk of Trump supporters do when they go to vote or sign an application for social security?  

Among the rest, there is one I dislike and three that I can live with. I used to have a lot of respect for Nikola Tesla until he wrote that coffee, tea and tobacco, which poison the system with harmful ingredients, will no longer be in vogue. Tobacco, yes, but leave my coffee and tea alone. Of the other three, Time Magazine in 1966 predicted that everyone in the US will be independently wealthy including, I hope, all my friends in the Diaspora.  However, with all that money they will develop all kinds of mental problems and serious psychoses. Since they will be too rich to work, they will all have robots as therapists. Also, because they will be surrounded by state-of-the-art technology or machines produced by machines, there will be no need for futurists to predict the future.

Unfortunately, while this is yet to come, some psychics have not yet predicted their own professional demise and are hard at work figuring out 2020. Kristy Robinett is sure that “Even with the conflict with Donald Trump and the pending impeachment, from an astrological standpoint, there is a high chance he could win the next election. I, however, don’t see him fulfilling the second term and see pending health issues. I also see a dark horse coming into the race early in 2020 that may create a total upheaval.”  Amy Tripp, an astrologer, also predicts health issues for Trump and that “something will happen causing him not to be re-elected”.

Psychic Betsey Lewis, who five years ago predicted that Trump would become President, was also certain that Prince Phillip will die this year, gas prices will skyrocket and that Brexit won’t happen. Now she has predicted with her full 2020 vision “scandals, extreme cold and snow, worldwide civil unrest and riots, revolution, floods, earthquakes, a strange revelation by the Pope” and Trump re-elected as President. But worse than all those disasters and catastrophes is that Prince Harry and Meghan will leave the UK and make the US their new home. Poor Boris Johnson—dealing with Brexit is bad enough but this will be a right royal disaster.

-By Tony Deyal

Tony Deyal was last seen watching the Disney Christmas Day parade on ABC and remembering the prediction by movie magnate Darryl Zanuck in 1946 that the TV “will disappear because people will get tired of it”.