Amusings: Mayhem on the Road

[dropcap]D[/dropcap]o you ever wake up, as I do, wondering why we can’t have more homicides on the island? I mean, sure, Dear Reader, the odd innocent victim gets murdered but most of the time victims have done something to piss someone off and even if they never intended to irritate their assassin quite so much they still didn’t deserve to die. If you believe in infinite equality and are a real Yin-Yang type, then you might consider that violent deaths, e.g. murder and mayhem on the roads, go hand in hand. So it is consoling that murders and road deaths chug along from week to week unabated. Getting murdered is fairly final, but getting into a car accident can lead to several unwanted consequences, including permanent injuries, loss of earnings, etc., which may turn out worse than death. While the causes of some car accidents may seem obvious and redundant to experienced drivers it’s worth thinking about them all the same from time to time.

Distracted drivers are the top cause of accidents today. A distracted driver diverts his or her attention from the road, usually to talk on a cell phone, send a text message, have sex or eat food. When you drink, you lose the ability to focus and function properly. Always use a designated driver if you go out and drink. I suppose the same goes for sex in the car; make sure you have a designated driver.

Speed kills, and traveling above the speed limit is an easy way to cause a car accident. The faster you drive, the slower your reaction time will be if you need to prevent an auto accident. Reckless drivers speed, change lanes too quickly or tailgate causing a car accident. They are impatient and reckless, driving so close to another car that they cannot react in time if the car in front of them brakes suddenly. The giving or receiving of oral sex should only be performed if the car is stationary with the engine switched off. We’ve all been angry at another driver for one reason or another, but some drivers let their rage overcome them. “Roadragers” tailgating another car in anger or speeding past another driver only to pull in front of them and brake, cause many needless car accidents each year.

Car accidents often happen in the rain because water creates slick and dangerous surfaces for cars, trucks, and motorcycles causing them to spin out of control or skid while braking. Motorists are well aware of the dangers posed by potholes. Potholes can be so deep that driving into one might cause your jaw to snap and your teeth to clamp down on whatever you have in your mouth at the time. Drivers also run the risk of losing control of their car or blowing out a tyre when they drive over these potholes. Again, I warn against sex in a moving vehicle; many motorists have lost control of their cars and their lives along a dangerous curve seconds before and after an accident.

The reason that we have stop lights, turn signals, and lanes designated for moving either right or left as opposed to straight is because when drivers ignore the rules of the road, car accidents are often the result. Drivers who run red lights run the risk of causing wrongful death because they often cause side-impact collisions at high speeds. Stop signs should never be ignored but when they are, serious car accidents are often the result. There will always come a time when you need to get over to another lane. When drivers don’t make safe lane changes properly, it often leads to a car accident.

Driver fatigue isn’t talked about a lot, but how well can we expect anyone to drive when they’re having trouble staying awake? Most of the car accidents caused by drowsy driving occur at night. Driving at night nearly doubles the risk of a car accident occurring. When you can’t see what’s up ahead you don’t know what to anticipate as you drive towards it.

Drugs, both legal and illegal, and alcohol, even sex, impair your ability to fully function as a driver. If your mind isn’t clear and you don’t have complete control over your body, getting behind the wheel can lead to serious car accidents.

Take caution when you see an animal crossing. Glorified by the Fast and the Furious movie franchise, street racing is an underground culture of fast cars and deadly car accidents. With turbo engines and nitrous oxide boosters, cars often reach very high speeds during a street race, making any resulting car accident much more dangerous and unlikely to yield any survivors, maimed or otherwise.

But let’s look on the  bright side; the more murders we have, the fewer people will remain to be killed in road accidents. Sounds like ‘Trumpian’ logic, doesn’t it? Death is never a flippant matter but I find it hard to shed tears over drivers who cause not only their own deaths but the deaths of fellow motorists and innocent bystanders and in doing so leave a legacy of great sorrow to families and loved ones.