MissUnderstood- Infertility is No Reason for Shame!

There are a large number of women struggling to fulfill a dream that they’ve had ever since they were little girls. That dream is to become a mom. Most of us, as little girls, look forward to growing up, finding the right guy if we are lucky, and starting a family. We spend our teenage years avoiding pregnancy and finally, when we are ready, it just doesn’t happen. This can be as a result of infertility.

But how would you know if you are infertile? A woman is considered infertile after consistently trying to conceive for over one year (six months if over 35 years of age). It can be hard to tell whether you’re actually infertile. Often there are no telling signs, except for not being able to get pregnant—or stay pregnant. The only way to know for sure is to consult a doctor.  

Whereas infertility is not solely a woman’s problem, our focus today will be on the struggles of a woman unable to conceive. You may live in a community where you are unaware of anyone with that struggle, but let me inform you that many young women are currently dealing with the issue of infertility and don’t express it. Many suffer in silence. No one wants the world to know or think they are defective. But the truth is, you are not. You may keep silent because you bear a lot of shame and guilt about not being able to accomplish something that women are supposed to be able to do.

But the truth of the matter is infertility is a medical condition. No reason to feel shame. You are not defective; you are not less of a woman. To me the true definition of motherhood is not restricted to birthing a child but to unconditionally nurturing a child throughout his/her life. This nurturing presence is symbolized by motherhood, but it does not necessarily need to come from a biological mother to be meaningful. Each family is unique, and true mothering can be provided by a birth mother, an adoptive parent, a stepmother, a grandmother, a sister or an aunt.

There are a number of other options that you can look into if you and your partner are faced with infertility. If, after consulting your doctor, you are certain that you have this issue, here are a few options you might be advised to consider: treatment for the cause of your infertility eg. polysystic ovary syndrome (PCOS); IVF; womb cleansers; surrogacy; adoption. Coping with infertility can be upsetting and stressful, but you’re not alone. One of the hardest parts of infertility is dealing with the emotional ups and downs. Caring for your emotional health throughout the process of trying to get pregnant is just as important as staying physically healthy. Try to keep your stress level down by setting time aside for healthy activities that are enjoyable and relaxing, like meditation, reading, exercising or taking walks.

It might be a difficult topic to bring up but talking to friends, family, partners, therapists and support groups can also be helpful when you’re struggling with infertility.

There are lots of resources out there to help you cope. Talking about your feelings and experiences can help you process your emotions and ease your mind. If you are having trouble conceiving, consider visiting The National Fertility Center in Rodney Bay, and start your new journey towards having the family of your dreams.

-By Allana Maximim