Quotes and Misquotes from Budget 2013

If you were watching it on TV, then you missed all the best parts. If Parliament were about issues, substance and statistics, the world would already be a better place and there would be no need for religion. But Parliament is about picong.

Because you missed it, here is a brief review of some of the best quotes and misquotes (well, they might be, since the best lines are delivered when the mics are off) from the most flaccid budget in the history of independent Saint Lucia. All quotes have been taken as completely out of context as humanly possible.

Wai! Wai! Wai! (The Waiwai Twins, as Pierre walks into the House with great swag.)

This is our country. It doesn’t belong to Flambeau. It doesn’t belong to Labour. (Richard Frederick)

It belongs to me! (Unidentified MP, mocking RF)

We are going to do something new. We are going to follow the advice of scientists. (Moses Jn Baptiste)

We are headed down a slippery cliff . . . (Arsene James)

Chastanet’s expertise (is) as a spendthrift and a poor manager! (Lorne Theophilus)

I’m not one of those politicians who thrives on the failure [of the system] (Richard Frederick)

They gave up! (Moses Jn Baptiste on Flambeau’s black sigatoka efforts.)

In the words of the great management theorist . . . (Edmund Estephane)

Wai! Wai! Wai! (The Waiwai Twins)

I have a new appreciation for hypocrisy [because of] the opposition leader — who is in a perpetual state of amnesia. – LT

We never had any intention to move a fiscal deficit budget. We always contemplated surpluses. – RF

When Flambeau talks about wastage, we should take their word for it. They’re experts. – LT

I want to move on to cemeteries. – AJ

Please do. – Unidentified MP

It was Albert Einstein who observed . . .  – EE

Wai! Wai! Wai! – The Waiwai Twins

Running an intentional deficit and having external difficulties get a hold of you are two different things. – RF

There’s a lot of overcrowding and congestion in cemeteries. –AJ

Did we honestly believe we would collect the entire VAT money ($98m)? We cyah collect $54 million from a handful of hoteliers, how can we collect $98 million from all these people? – RF

If something isn’t done, we’re going to have some problems with our dead. – AJ

Three million for refurbishing Vieux Fort Square? Three million, Mr Speaker? I suspect soon there will be a throne in that Square. The PM just wants to mimic my performance. Maybe he can rename his ‘Tranquilty Park.’ – RF

I know every single person in my constituency from the little child growing up. – AJ

Wai! Wai! Wai! – the Waiwai Twins

The touristic genius and majesty that is Allen Chastanet. – LT

I want to compliment the civil servants (on their zero percent stance) – RF

Let us be like them and lead by example, foregoing all MP salary increases . . . – RF

We did that already – HD

Let us stop the luxurious upgrading of offices . . . Mr Speaker, did I hear there is a Jacuzzi in the prime minister’s offices? – RF

Did you put one there? – PMKA

Este fal? – PJP

Fifteen minutes, honourable member . . . I thought you were still introducing. Up to now I haven’t heard a debate on the estimates. – Speaker to RF

There are so many people in the St Lucian mission in Martinique that you can’t fit all of them in a coaster. – GR, on increases in the foreign ministry budget.

The increases in the budget of the foreign affairs department are less than Allen Chastanet’s phone bill as a minister. – LT

My slogan was ‘Este For All’ – EE

You mean, ‘Este for One’? – HD

He (Chastanet) paid $900,000 for a new branding that was plagiarized from Peru. – LT

I am a quiet man. Some might even say I’m bashful. (Edmund Estephane)

Don’t be so naive. – RL

Wai! Wai! Wai! – The Waiwai Twins

Nowadays, my PM is very happy. He used to be so sad in opposition. (Edmund Estephane)