Spilling The Beans with Biky-B

Y’all tink it easy? All of a sudden de man dat was in de middle of the multi-million-dollar Helenites Center fiasco in Brooklyn; de same man dat had our guavament under de table wid New York loan sharks; de same man dat lead our leedah into dat nasty deal with a Colorado oil speculator; yes, did y’all hear de man dissin’ Americans left and right on Newsspin? De man say is America dat have our bam-bam in a sling. Is de Americans dat kill our bananas, which musta shook-up all de local farmers-turn-taxi drivers-turn unemployed, dat bin sayin’ is Kenny kee chway fig la. De man eh say one word about all ah dem no-cut strikes and de red politicians dat was behind dem. But den when it come to keepin’ secrets dere eh have no man or woman in dis free environment dat comin’ close to our suddenly anti-American lovin’ associate of American Jack Grynberg. Talk about two leedahs leeding we country? De way Biky see it, dere eh have no Looshan dat have less dan five faces anyway, not counting de one in his back pocket dat does come out only at night.

Speakin’ of which: Biky hear dese days you doh have to wait for carnival or Mercury and no water sports to see what certain ladeez carryin’ in dere thong. All you need is a certain fella cell phone. Dey say de man have de numbers for nearly every female at de banks, whether dey is 23 or 32. Woie, woie, who woulda imagine tings woulda get so bad for dem ladeez an’ so good for de fantasy business? But Biky eh complain’ eh. Business is business, no matter how you spell it.

An’ den you have de 13-year-old schoolgirls in dere Victoria Secret. Instead of studyin’ dere textbooks at night, dey does turn into family breadwinners. But Biky believe dey just pretendin’ to be 13 just to please special high-payin’ customers dat does get especially excited around 13-year-olds, real or make believe. Biky hear even preachers in dat. But dere eh nothin’ new in dat, doh. Remember de big hit dat turn Bachelor into a kaiso superstar? If you is 13 for real and you never hear of Bachelor, den Biky suggest you ask yo mama about dis useful piece of general knowledge. If she look at you kinda funny, just tell her Biky say knowledge is power.

Biky couldn’t believe his eyes! Jus’ as Biky was getting’ set to beg de STAR editor for last week centerfold number, bam! All fall down. An’ no matter how hard Biky try, is like Willie dead an’ gon to hell. I mean to say some tings are sweeter left unsaid. You never know who listen’ or who readin’. Biky didn’t have to know how dis special lady burnin’ her candle, or how she does make her ends meet. Boy, all ah dat is too much information for Biky. Some tings should be left to the imagination. Dat’s what a certain preacher used to preach from his Looshan pulpit. But he never believe in takin’ his own advice. Now dey say de man in Trinidad writing his memoirs dat Biky hear go be as long as . . . well, better to leave dat alone.

A lotta people sayin’ how Chastanet latest challenger bit off more than he could chew. An’ dey eh talkin’ about de convention, eh. Even Chas walkin’ around wid a smile dese days, as if he know something only he an’ Juk Bois know. Is like he finally inherit a political restin’ place. But Biky B know better. De trouble wid dem wannabe leedahs is dis: dey never do dere research. Or dey only do it halfway. If de man had done his homework before agreeing to spill on TALK, he’da found out wha’ happen to de LPM when dey decide to make dere first local TV appearance on a certain show. Eh ben.

Now you know Biky does give it to you as Biky get it, right? So when I hear de union leader decide to pitch her tent in Castries Central, Biky say he got to pass de hot beans on to de peeple. Laugh all you like but dat lady only lookin’ soft-soft. She eh eatin’ easy, eh. Y’all eh notice nobody talkin’ anymore about salary cuts an’ haircuts less dey in a barber shop? Y’all eh notice dat de minute de lady start talkin’ her Ebola talk, all of a sudden all kinda tings start to happen? Biky B eh know if all he hear while keepin’ in touch is true, eh. But all of a sudden ministers of government here, dere an’ everywhere tryin’ to reassure de public servants dey eh have nothin’ to worry about. Tim tink is he dat cause all de action but in truth is de lady whose voice always under control. And besides, de boss know who really holdin’ de whip over his red ass. An’ it ain’t Tim-Tim!

Ok, peeps, that’s about it for this week. Be careful, if you cyan be safe and remember to send Biky all the news some people want to keep to demselves. Send your beans to Bikyb@stluciastar.com