Carnival in Five

All season long we heard about the demise of carnival; the drastic budget cuts, lack of music, indifference from the public and the list goes on. But that didn’t stop revellers from piling into the streets on Monday and Tuesday intent on indulging in a little bachannal rampage. It’s been quite a year for the cultural festival so here are a few of my own observations of the season that was.

Irony of the Year

Funny that two of the hottest and most ubiquitous tracks of an otherwise uneventful soca season wouldn’t have been if it were left up to the powers-that-be. Ezra D’Funmachine Augustin’s ‘Bachannal Rampage’ – otherwise known as ‘No Stoosh’ – took off almost immediately with its simple dancing instructions and hilarious video depicting a reveller too posh to jump. The song took him all the way to the finals of the Soca Monarch Competition, where he was disqualified for being an unregistered tent member.

Claudius ‘J Mouse’ Edmund suffered the same fate as Augustin. The singer of the infectious, albeit ambiguous ‘Hurt It’ was disqualified when it was discovered that he was 17 and thus too young to participate at an alcohol-sponsored event. Never mind the teeny boppers who consume adult beverages willy-nilly at said event.

After much protest, both were reinstated and in the ultimate middle finger salute, Augustin took top spot while Edmund placed third, also nabbing Road March along the way. You know what they say about Karma . . .

That being said . . .

Phrase we wish would die – “Hurt It!”

Love the song of course; great beat, simple lyrics, fun tune. But like that straggler at a party that was over ages ago, it needs to leave. You ain’t gotta go home but you gotta get the hell up outta here.

I skipped Tuesday’s last lap jump up and caught the live telecast of the parade. Interview after interview, I watched the hostess get bombarded with chants of “hurt it” after every question, shout out and just in random outbursts really. Social media was rife with the hashtag as well. But what exactly does it all mean? What are we hurting? And why is this suddenly the go-to response?

Why yi? Why yi yi?

‘Good Sports’ Award

You just won the carnival queen show. What are you going to do now?

I’m going to ride in the back of a pick up truck, in the sweltering heat, in my evening gown with all the other constants on the parade route.

Um …what?

But that’s exactly what happened. Maybe it’s just me but isn’t that torture? What did these poor girls ever do to deserve that? Why can’t they just don their costumes and jump with all the other folk? That would certainly be cooler than being exposed to the elements.

In any case, I guess they could all just pitch Miss SLTB’s tent dress and scurry under there if it rained.

Money-maker of the Year

The spider panty was probably the most talked about piece of clothing on the road. With its deep slashes and potential to provide intimate knowledge, there was a little cause for concern.

Which was music to the ears of spas and waxologists islandwide, who made a killing on treatments. There was no room for error with the barely there design, making this the most important Brazilian since Pelé.

and finally . . . Most Valuable VIP

While budgets were being cut, VIP party prices were going up, some as high as $300. But the constant complaint is not getting bang for your buck, which is expected when one is paying big money to be important. But hands down, the most exalted VIP experience of this carnival has to be that of U4ria. The Teddyson John helmed event has been widely praised for a stellar service. From menus upon entry, seating in a swanky setting, a fine-dining atmosphere devoid of the typical fare and actual servers, it delivered like no other. Sure beats finger food!