I usually don’t care much for sports, but over the past few weeks I’ve been too busy watching American athlete Ryan Bailey to remember that—or to notice anything else going on in the world! Dude is super fine, and it’s insane the way he’s had ladies all over the world mesmerized during the Olympics—and yes, I said ‘ladies’ for a reason!
I certainly did not watch the 2012 Olympics to keep record of scores. I mean, yeah I celebrated along with the rest of them when Bolt broke his Olympic record and when Grenada’s Kirani James broke USA’s hold on 400m and his island declared a holiday in honour of his gold medal, but hey, let’s not stray too far from the completely superficial eye candy observations!
“Ryan Bailey, enter yourself into my life!” A fan tweeted, as if her command would cause a shower of Ryan Baileys to rain over women all over the world. Wouldn’t that be just lovely? Quite the shower of “premium caramel,” according to Twitter personality Chistiana Mbakwe’s description.
“Somebody should not be allowed to be that fine, it’s too much,” a coworker complained on the day Ryan frenzy was on an all time high. “Honestly, the guy is way hot! I need to see Ryan Bailey running again, again and again . . . .dude was rocking a fearsome bodysuit!”
Spandex will never be the same again, I thought, drifting off into my recurrent Ryan Bailey fantasy, the one where I’m holding him close and giving him the ultimate rub down to sooth his muscles. And I’m still at work having this conversation with my coworker, who I admit is quite the looker, but disappointingly NOT Ryan!
I understood where she was coming from completely, but the issue I really wanted to focus on as I vocalized at the office that day, “Where on earth do you find a male specimen like that, short of skipping overseas for the London Olympics!?” I’m not the least bit interested in watching sports but over the past few days the television truly has become my life-saving drug. It really is problematic the way I tune into the games like my life depends on it, yet have no idea who won any of the races when anyone asks, even though I’ve been watching everything from Javelin to Men’s Water Polo!
Even swimming became interesting, particularly the synchronized sort with an abundance of men that caused you to squeeze your eyes shut and think, God is good! As Twitter personality Christiana Mbakwe put it: “Still waiting on Team USA so I can pray a rich black man into my life by touching the TV!”
She certainly isn’t the only woman who would happily pick a husband out of the Olympic eye candy! I watched the races and still have absolutely no idea whatsoever who those other blurry male figures were trying to get into the Ryan spotlight, what countries participated or what race it was for that matter—but that’s not the point.
Let’s not even talk about Yohan Blake. Whoa! A heartthrob if there ever was one. Don’t act like he’s not one of the reasons you stayed glued to those sprint performances! Three more words—Adam ‘Fiery’ Gemili—and life will never be the same again . . .
Don’t ask for the women! If sports get you a figure like that I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who regrets not embracing extra-curriculars wholeheartedly. Darn my parents for letting me make my own choices. Old enough to make my own decisions? What? If autocratic leadership could have gotten me buns like that, I wouldn’t hesitate to be their good little robot child!
Watching Olympics came with a strange mixture of awe-inspiring admiration and resentment aimed at those women with the type of bodies that just make you want to drop down to the floor and start doing crunches . . . or lunges!
Really tho’ . . . Olympics sure has proved ‘therapeutic’ for some as they let their imaginations run completely wild—and I’m not talking about the athletes. It’s truly amazing to watch, not just the bodies but just how much those athletes and human beings on the whole can push their bodies when they really want to win, be their best, stand out and make their countries proud!