Love him or hate him, no one will deny that when it comes to his craft the man is simply brilliant. Yes, his political views may not always completely align with my socially disposed orientation but I have great respect and admiration for the man’s concept of the purpose for a headline. Consider this imaginative teaser: “A nation of sheep deserves a government of wolves.”
My immediate reaction? “My Lord, what have the Kenny Anthony administration done this time?”
With my politicized consciousness, I fasten my seat belt for the fire and brimstone that normally characterize the writer’s well researched and calculated articles. On this occasion the bold headline revealed more about Rick Wayne’s hidden softer side than about the supposed evils of the current administration. By my measure, the piece was perhaps one of Rick’s most complimentary assessments of en-rouge Saint Lucia. There seems to be something about the Prime Minister’s press secretary Jadia JnPierre Emmanuel that touches Rick in his most sensitive regions, that inspires the Rick in ways no other press secretary has managed to do. We’re talking about a man who has famously demonstrated little patience for mediocrity, whether or not in politics.
In his own stylistic manner he started: “In the first place there was Ms Jadia JnPierre casually killing ‘em softly with her siren songs, her anesthetizing bag-ah-sugar smile reminiscent of Sparrow’s legendary ode to split-teeth.”
What followed from Rick was a deluge of holy showers of praise for the lady’s performance in her present position. If for a moment you wondered why Rick had found himself at the altar of adulation he soon put readers out of their misery: “I sat mesmerized in my favorite living-room chair as Jadia offered her tongue-in-cheek defenses of bad manners on the part of some of her red-robed brethren; gazed in wonder at her made-for-TV HIB hairdo. And yes, marveled at the way someone out of view grunted in orgasmic appreciation of her every witty twist of reality.”
If you think Rick was not genuine about calling a spade a spade you had him figured out wrongly. Jadia would soon find out that she is not just the prime minister’s “companion on frequent overseas trips” but also has the special ability to transform one of the most vociferous and critical characters into a purring kitten at her manicured feet.
Here is the indisputable evidence: “I admit it: I was slack-jawed when Jadia leaned slightly forward in her chair to hit for six a full-toss question about her boss’ promised ‘better days.’ Give the girl her designer jacket for her masterly response. For at least five minutes (it may have been longer) she went on about free computers for every school child, gifts of $500 for their grateful mommies, the 250 STEP jobs, NICE . . . punctuating each delivery with ‘that’s better days.’ ”
It was no easy matter deciding whether the neatly corn-rowed press secretary in her little black jacket and matching black-and-white designer blouse that “somehow brought to mind stores not local” was actually serious. Or whether she simply was socking it to nonbelievers and other members of the Kenny-can-do-nothing-right fraternity.”
Still capitivated by Jadia’s televised performance, the former Mr. Universe was unable to keep himself under control. He continued: “I wondered, too, whether Jadia had come up with that marvelous stuff all by her well-endowed self. Quite deftly she had coated ‘better days’ with a golden glow that must’ve dazzled even Allen Chastanet, not to say his House stand-in.’ ”
Breaking news: Rick’s mountain-top conversion to Jadia’s apostle came when the lady stared into the camera that served as the viewer’s eyes—including Rick’s. This is how he recalled the moment for STAR readers last weekend: “Challenging the studio camera’s gaze, the bespectacled Ms JnPierre rhapsodized about Kenny Anthony—The Man. ‘He loves kids,’ said the Mother in Jadia, smiling from ear to there, ‘and they just love him back. Vieux Fort kids, in particular.’ ”
The climax was only natural. “Love her or hate her,” wrote the presumed Jadia convert, “you cannot deny that on Wednesday evening the beguiling Jadia JnPierre-Emmanuel did precisely as was expected of her, at any rate by the man who hired her in the first place. Which is not to say she necessarily believes all she said about certain headline-making foul mouths that deserve to remain anonymous. Public relations have little to do with the image-maker’s personal convictions!”
I’m still wondering who are the sheep in Rick’s headline—and whether the wolves are all in the government!