Spilling the Beans

Y’all know Biky always ready to let every Jack have his ass. It doh matter if de Jack in de box is Escobar or Batman or Batman cousin wid a Rolls and a mansion in Miami. Right? So why dem small-island politrickstars treatin’ Biky and de rest of de nation like we is a bucket of bweegoes dat eh know wha’ goin’ on? Did you see how our pee-pee-em get on dis week, talkin’ about how is Fidel and Raoul dat talk to Madura, who den talk dere fellow ALBA-nians into taking a break from dere regular business in de best interest of CARIGONE? Instead of dat papyshow in de House of Ebola last week, why didn’t our great leadah get Jadia to tickle some non-traditional friends in all ah dem sensitive places wid names dat all end with an? I mean, like Iran, Afghanistan . . .

I eh finish wid dat yet, you know. De way he came across on Biky tee-vee you woulda never know our leedah-leedah had been three or more times one ah de best brains dat help change CARICOM to a past-tense thing. Oh, but one ting he say Biky agree with: we can always call on Cuba when our region cyan handle de stress. Remember when a guy call Gay or Gayree . . . for a time he was Grenada’s hottest spice, until power gone to his head an’ he start talkin’ about UFOs and Mexican aliens at de UN . . . Ah, yes, now Biky remember his name: Eric Gairy. Even doh de man was black like Biky B he use to run Grenada like some kinda slave plantation—until Uncle Fidel step in and put an end to dat shate. Now Biky eh know how true it is, eh. But de way some people tell it in some books Biky read (the CIA especially!) Fidel send a whole set ah construction workers to help Grenada tourism and before you could say Batista—Gairy gone. Just like dat!

Which reminds me: De CIA also say a lotta ah de excess construction equipment dat Fidel send to Grenada end up right here in Helen lap. Too late doh. By de time it unload where it unload de politrickstars had done complete dere own reconstruction using dere own home-made shitty tools. But like de man say, dat’s for annuder show. Say one, say all: Cuba been really good to us, despite everything de CIA an’ Biky say. Look how many Looshans dat once was blind but now can see. At least what dey choose to see. Just like de rest of us!

Convention come and convention gone. So how come Allen Chastanet still exactly where he was before? After all dat roro about how de man too white to rule black folk? It just goes to show de only color in de world dat have real currency is GREEN. Obama know dat; Cameron know dat. Putin know dat. Even de local LOO know dat. Biky suspect even Mark Louis know it too. Claudius? He know too. Oh, you meant Preville? Well, I not sure about him. Biky an’ he eh talk yet.

Now Biky know some ah you bin moanin’: how come lately Biky eh pullin’ back de covers to show you wha’ really goin’ on in de nation’s beds? Like ya’ll never satisfy, or what? Dere’s udder tings goin’ on dat worth reportin’, you know. Anyhoo, take a nice lingerin’ look at dis week centerfold and tell Biky 2Nite magazine eh catering’ for all tastes!

Dat’s all for dis week, my peeps. Remember to stay safe and if y’all cyan be good in dese bad times, then at least try to be careful. Oh, an’ if you tink you hotter than our cover and centerfold models, prove it. The 2Nite photographer will be happy to give you a shot. Just send us your picture so we too can see what you tink is hot.

As usual, if you got some beans of your own spill send them to bikyb@atluciastar.com. Ah gone.